The Single girls guide to dealing with heartbreak
Heartbreak is incredibly hard. Most of us have been there. Perhaps you thought that you and your significant other would be moving your relationship further in the direction of marriage soon, and then 2020 happened. Whether it is your choice or not, breakups can be hard. And they are usually harder if you didn’t want it to happen or didn’t see it coming. If you’re dealing with a heartbreak due to loss of a relationship, here are a few tips I hope you find useful.
1. Draw near to God. The Bible says ‘draw near to God and He will draw near to you’. This is true at all times, but especially when you’re feeling sad and depressed following heartbreak. God is our comforter and we can be encouraged by the fact that He knows just what we are going through. No one knows about heartbreak more than our Lord Jesus; He literally died from it! So draw near to God. Talk to Him, and let Him know how you’re truly feeling. The great thing about God is that we can bare all with Him and not be afraid that He will smite us or be shocked by our outbursts! In fact, He wants us to be real with Him. So, tell Him if you’re disappointed that your dreams and hopes have been shattered. Tell Him if you feel like you gave your heart fully only for it to be broken in many pieces. Then, be still in His presence and listen as He speaks to you. God is a great comforter and the Bible says He comforts us in all our troubles. He will comfort and strengthen you through this period of your life.
2. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself time to heal. It can be tempting to go straight into another relationship to try to ease the pain of the heartbreak. But, it is important to give yourself the time to grieve and heal from the pain. It is completely OK to grieve the loss of a relationship; the end of a relationship usually signals the end of dreams and visions you and that person may have had together. So, when it ends, there is pain associated with that loss. It could also mean the end of a close friendship. From personal experience, every time a relationship ended, I found that what I missed the most was the close friendship I and that person shared. And it takes time to get past that. Whilst you shouldn’t spend too long grieving, it is not wise to rush into another relationship if you’re still dealing with the aftermath of a previous relationship and haven’t healed fully.
3. Treat yourself and do things that bring you joy. This might seem simple or even frivolous, but it works! Whilst it should not be used to mask the pain and hurt, some retail therapy, or a spa or beauty treatment could just be what the doctor ordered, to put a smile on your face. It doesn’t even need to cost money; going for a long walk or run, listening to music, catching up with friends, are all activities that can bring joy into your life.
4. Take some time to reflect and think about lessons you can learn from the relationship. Self-reflection is important following the end of a serious relationship. This is particularly important if the breakup came as a surprise to you i.e. you thought everything was going extremely well! Instead of trying to apportion blame, reflect on the relationship objectively and think about where you or the other person could have improved things, or acted differently in certain situations. Of course, sometimes, a relationship is just not meant to be, and ends mutually. But even in these situations, there is always some lesson to be learnt.
5. Be hopeful and move on. The Bible says in Psalm 30 verse 5; ‘weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning’! This scripture has encouraged me many a time in my life, but especially when I was grieving the end of a relationship. God is the master script-flipper (I love that phrase!) and can re-write your story, and give you a new vision for your life! So, don’t give up hope, don’t say ‘all men are scum’ (they’re not). Trust God when He says that He is able to work all things together for the good of those that love Him and have been called according to His purpose. Do you love God? Have you been called? If so, then move on, and trust that everything is working out for your good.